PARKINSON’S AFTER DARK · FRIDAY · DF005

Congratulations. I’ve Reached Platinum Status with Parkinson’s.

August 14, 2026Parkinson’s, Absurdity & Dark Humor7 min read

After thirty-five years in a loyalty program I never joined, I would like to know where the hell they are hiding the complimentary upgrades.

After thirty-five years with Parkinson’s, I assume I have reached some kind of elite membership status.

Airlines give you priority boarding after enough flights. Hotels leave chocolate on your pillow. Coffee shops hand you a free drink after you buy eleven beverages that taste like somebody whispered the word ‘coffee’ over a cup of steamed regret.