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My Nervous System Is on a Performance Improvement Plan.
After thirty-five years of missed deadlines, unauthorized movements, and hostile takeovers of ordinary tasks, management has finally scheduled a meeting.
After thirty-five years of Parkinson’s, I regret to report that my nervous system has been placed on a Performance Improvement Plan.
The meeting was called by Internal Management, a department that has contributed absolutely nothing to daily operations but remains deeply concerned about productivity. Human Resources attended by video. They kept the camera off, which felt appropriate for people who have watched this workplace deteriorate for decades without once ordering a new part.