PARKINSON’S AFTER DARK · FRIDAY · DF029

According to Facebook, Everything Is Parkinson’s.

September 11, 2026Parkinson’s, Social Media & Diagnostic Absurdity7 min read

The internet has created the world’s fastest neurology clinic, staffed entirely by people who begin with ‘not medical advice, but.’

Last night my left sock felt emotionally distant. Naturally, I checked Facebook to see whether it was Parkinson’s.

Within the imaginary first three comments, the diagnosis was confirmed. One person had the same thing in 2017. Another person’s cousin developed it after eating gluten near a cell tower. A third recommended magnesium, pickle juice and firing my neurologist. The phrase ‘not medical advice’ appeared, which on social media functions like a tiny seat belt attached to a rocket.